Week 3 of The Malpractice Report is in, and it’s the worst chart of the young season. Five separate games drew a unanimous verdict from NFL.com’s full expert panel — same team, no dissent — and five times the patient didn’t make it off the table.

Exhibit A: The Defending Champs Were a “Lock.” Washington Didn’t Get the Memo.

All five of NFL.com’s experts picked the Seahawks — the reigning Super Bowl champions — over a Commanders team starting Marcus Mariota, and CBS’s Tyler Sullivan made Seattle -7 one of his five locks of the week. Sam Darnold threw for 379 yards and four touchdowns, and Seattle still lost, 33-31, with Mariota sealing it on a late scramble. If the defending champs were your lock this week, it’s time for a second opinion — and maybe a malpractice attorney.

Exhibit B: Nine Straight Losses Wasn’t a Warning Label, Apparently

Indianapolis had dropped nine games in a row. All five NFL.com experts still picked Houston. The Colts won 19-17 on a two-minute-drill field goal, with Daniel Jones tossing three turnovers of his own — but Houston’s offense stalled worse when it mattered, and the Texans are 0-3 for the second straight season. The panel that trusted Houston again, unanimously, should have its charts reviewed.

Exhibit C: The Rest of the Unanimous Ward

It wasn’t just the headline cases. Green Bay was the unanimous pick over Atlanta and got run out of Lambeau, 35-14. Denver was a unanimous underdog against the Rams on Sunday Night Football and won outright, 30-26. Cincinnati was unanimously favored over Pittsburgh and lost 30-27 after Derrick Harmon strip-sacked Joe Burrow late. And Carolina, the 4-of-5 “safe” pick over Cleveland, got hounded into a 21-18 upset by a Browns defense nobody respected. Four more charts, four more flatlines.

Clean Bill of Health

Credit where it’s due. The unanimous Bills-over-Chargers call held up at 24-16, and Los Angeles is now 0-3 heading into a gauntlet of Seattle, Denver, and Kansas City. Jacksonville’s 35-6 dismantling of a turnover-plagued Patriots offense went exactly to script. Kansas City’s win over Miami and Detroit’s survival act over the Jets — the Lions closed it out after Geno Smith fumbled away a fourth-quarter comeback bid — were both correct, no notes. San Francisco’s win over Arizona rounded out a clean sweep for the boring, obvious picks.

This Week’s Trend: The Chalk Got Run Out of the Building

Six different games this week saw a unanimous or near-unanimous consensus get flattened by a team nobody respected — Seattle, Houston, Green Bay, the Rams, Cincinnati, and Carolina all watched “obvious” advantages evaporate. Meanwhile the Raiders and Vikings both improbably sit at 3-0, and neither was anyone’s preseason diagnosis for a hot start. One chart’s still open: Eagles-Bears hadn’t kicked off as of this report, with four of five experts on Philadelphia. We’ll check vitals next week.